I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
