well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
