When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
