well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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