Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
