Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
