There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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