exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
