You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
someone owes me an orgasm
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
