You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
