i permit you to call me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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