I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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