dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
