A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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