I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
