Already got asked if we're dating
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
