Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
