ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
