I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
