I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
