So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
