Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
