i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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