Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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