You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
