I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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