I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
