she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
