Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
