you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
