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just tell him i said nine months
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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