Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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