sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
