Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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