I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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