Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
