She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
