We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
