I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this beer tastes like vomit already
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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