party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
