I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A+ Viking dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
