Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
