I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
