so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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