No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
