I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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