If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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