Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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