John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
