it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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