if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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