It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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