IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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