the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is this the sara with the beer cane?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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