I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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