i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
